Everything I know, I learned from Stan and Kyle

BBQ...Japan style

This week has been pretty tough so far... I got a new, more comfortable couch brought into my apartment, taught card games to my students on Monday, had a holiday and was invited to two BBQs today, and had s'mores. Torture.

Other than that, I have been stressing over my upcoming bible studies (an "intense" one for Christians and an English-focused one for non-Christians). As it draws nearer and nearer, I am feeling less and less godly. I am scared to death of revealing how ignorant and hypocritical I am - and having that be the impression these girls are left with. The more controversial things I read about Day of Prayer, China protests, Earth Day, adoptions, etc (and how Christians keep messing up), I sink into another season of criticizing my church and myself.

I've already had enough to worry about with my own spirituality (without having the entire Christian populations' testimony to consider!). Since the end of high school, I have become less and less optimistic/evangelical. However, I am beginning to realize that being super "spiritual" and charismatic doesn't necessarily mean your faith is stronger or more genuine. Maybe it just means you are in a good mood (aka high school Cassie). But there were plenty of cynical followers (aka the prophets). I am not declaring myself a prophet, I am just making up some excuses for my not-so-giddy attitude.

Maybe I will never open an orphanage in Uganda or cure AIDS, but I don't want to turn 70 and say I didn't try to do something loving for those individuals that I encountered (claiming it's none of America's business or that charity is only to make you feel better about yourself). And I may never live to see the ozone repaired, but I don't want to make a bad situation even worse by living with no regard for creation (claiming my inconsiderate lifestyle was better than being a self-righteous, recycling, go-green hippie).

I know I'm rambling, but in short: I am learning to focus on small acts of love...making responsible decisions with the little things. I can serve God and [will] fail miserably to save the world, but I can't serve Him by merely talking about how lost it is and how found I am (regardless of how into the worship music I am). So when I have my bible study, I will emphasize Christ's lessons and lifestyle - not my pathetic attempt at wisdom and faithfulness.

And no, this is not from Sunday's sermon, but a compilation of lessons I absorbed from a Southpark marathon.

an inconvenient truth

[Mainichi Newspapers Co.]
Aokigahara woods at the base of Mt. Fuji (also known as "suicide forest")

Today I was told by one of my Jehovah's Witness visitors that she'd read about an interesting suicide in the paper today. She couldn't explain to me in English what happened, so I researched "suicide in Japan" on the internet. Bad idea. The first article I stumbled upon was entitled:

"Man commits suicide in front of Tokyo train, 90,000 commuters inconvenienced."

And in case you are interested, I did eventually find the story about today's suicide. A 14-year-old girl locked herself in her bathroom after making a lethal concoction of laundry detergent and soaps, eventually suffocating on the fumes and sending 10 of her neighbors to the hospital. She was the 30th nihonjin to use this method so far this year (its fatal recipe is being spread on the Internet). Perhaps it seemed less obtrusive to society than jumping in front of a train. And don't you worry, she was also considerate enough to hang a sign on the door knob that read, "Gas being emitted," so as not to inconvenience anyone.

Japan has the 9th highest suicide rate in the world. Most people I talk to and most articles I read online accredit the increasing suicide rate to Japan's unemployment rate. In fact, most suicides are middle-aged men who have lost their jobs and/or feel they've dishonored their family name. However, Japan has the 141st highest unemployment rate in the world (4.1%). And I doubt the 14-year-old was having trouble at the office.

I have no idea how to explain the phenomenon, but I have a hunch that if so much weren't hidden behind formalities and sake, maybe that rate would decrease. Then those 90,000 commuters could get on with their lives undisturbed. I guess the rest of the world really is as screwed up as America, individualistic or not.

Rain, rain, go away...

...come again in July when I need you.

my neighborhood

my street

the prettiest gutter ever

my school

I just finished my first real week of classes (last week consisted of a lot of introductions and schedule tweaking...this week I began my tutoring sessions). Other than a horribly disorganized schedule situation (due to the fact that the girls are being divided into upper and lower skill sections this year...creating twice as many schedule conflicts), the week went smoothly. I got to meet the students individually (well, in small groups), and I am proud to say that I have nearly mastered all of their names. By this point last semester, I was still trying to learn the other teachers' names.

My only complaint this week is the weather. It has been pouring off and on for days. In the center of campus, half of the blossoms bloomed weeks ago and were starting to fall off. Then this week, FINALLY, the other half began to bloom. But now, with the rain, I can't get a descent photo and the weather is causing the blooms to fall off in double time.

Anyway...next week will be sunny and I will hopefully have a schedule set in stone. I will also begin advertising for tutoring and Bible studies at my house. Hopefully I will hear word back from the Chaplain whether or not I will have chapel time to present some AIDS/Ugandan issues before May (a children's choir will be visiting the school then, and I want to prepare the girls with some basics before they arrive). I also will be on my own for one of the 1nensei classes this upcoming Wednesday (the main teacher won't be here). Scary, but exciting.

Even more exciting news (thanks a lot to my American buddies for leaving me in the dark on this one!)...Since I don't get English news here, my exposure is sporadic and consists of my desktop news ticker. I just discovered that this year's G8 summit is going to be held in Japan. :) Unfortunately, the main summit is in Hokkaido (basically as far away from Osaka as possible). However, there are sub-meetings leading up to the main summit. Economics is being held here in Osaka (blah), but Environment is being held in Kobe (30 minutes from here in a gorgeous city that I need an excuse to re-visit). They have events open to the public (probably in Japanese...but worth a peek). It's not until late May...

Anyway, enough rambling. I will keep you posted on Japan if YOU keep me posted on America. For instance, giant polygamist colony raids, potential Sabres trades :'(, etc.

Eden

The new school year is underway. This week I met all of my new students (though I didn't exactly memorize all of their names...). I am incredibly encouraged by their attitudes. There are a few shy freshmen who may need some prompting, but most of the girls seem enthusiastic. It's a refreshing change from last semester when the exhausted sophomores just want to find jobs and go home (senioritus hits two years early here). Their enthusiasm is contagious. One thing I am learning (I re-learn this a lot) is that I am extremely influenced by my circumstances and environment. I like to think that I am independent and completely self-motivated, but I have to admit that my attitude depends mostly on the attitudes of those around me. Therefore, last semester I simply counted down the days until vacation. This semester, I can't wait to get flooded with tutoring sessions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's only the first week, I know. I might recant all of this in a month or so.

Yesterday, in order to fulfill a resolution I made about 50 times, I went on an exploratory bike ride. I stumbled upon Nagai Park about 30 minutes from my apartment. This "park" is the Disney World of parks. It houses the Osaka Museum of Natural History (albeit 4 rooms), botanical gardens, track stadium, indoor sports arena, biking and running tracks, and about 10 playgrounds. I must have done more people-watching and invasive photography in one afternoon than in my entire stay here. I have never seen so much bliss...groups of moms picnicking while their toddlers played in the grass, little elderly couples limping along the garden trails hand-in-hand, and dads with their sons examining giant dinosaur skeletons. I just kept waiting for it to crumble, but it didn't. They were all actually happy. So I decided that if I ever get in a rut or discouraged during my last few months in Japan, I won't turn to booze...I'm going back to get another dose of Nagai.

New semester

view from my room

dining room

300 pairs of slippers

random Japanese babies, of course

This weekend was the 2008 freshmen retreat in Toba. All of the new students (around 300), the sophomore mentors (around 10), and the faculty stayed in a gorgeous traditional hotel right on the bay (literally...the tide came right up under the hotel). I had to eat snails, fish, octopus...these are a few of my favorite things ;). However, it was still an amazing dining experience...hundreds of people sitting on the floor SO systematically...I got to break the hierarchical arrangement by sitting in the second row with the mentors (not the first row of faculty).

Other than a few boring meetings I napped through, it was fun. I got a lot of alone time and strolled along the bay and bought some pearls (Pearly Island is the main attraction near the hotel). Even when I was with the students, I felt alone (mostly in a good way). Everyone spoke Japanese, so I just followed the crowd and kept to myself...which resulted in my involuntary participation in a 3-hour escapade to find the right onsen in order to bathe with my students (that definitely beats bathing with Meg and Natalie on the awkwardness scale). I also had the pleasure of giving a 5-minute self-introduction to the 300+ crowd. Luckily the lights were low so no one could see my hands shaking.

Now that it's over, the only thing left to look forward to is the start of classes. This semester will be set up differently because the school reformatted the English Communication program. I will teach 4 classes (not 2), and I will be assisting native speakers (not Dan). I'm actually excited about it...meeting twice as often means I will get to know the students better (and the teachers). Teaching alongside Japanese professors will also give me opportunity to practice my Japanese (even though they are both fluent in English). I have an absurd list of goals for the semester, like organizing a weekly Bible study, potluck dinners, and group outings - on top of continuing my Japanese lessons and beginning my 2 new adult classes. Worse case scenario is that I am extremely stressed and busy and the 4 months fly by (I like busy). Best case scenario is that I am extremely cool and collected and the 4 months float by (I like cool). Either way, I am 4 months from being home and in the meantime finally getting back to what I love (human interaction). I am excited to get off my couch and get outside. Besides, it was 70* today...it's beckoning me.