I should be having a blast,

but I actually feel kind of blah. I guess that's not true. I meet new people and learn new Japanese and do new things everyday, but I feel unaffected. More to do with me than my environment. Maybe because it is coming at me so fast, but I can't take in much more or I have to push out the old. Like every new name I learn, I lose an old one. Every new word I learn, I forget another. Sensory overload...so my defense is to be comatose!

I think if I weren't broke (I haven't been paid yet, and I blew a lot of money on unexpected expenses up front) and if I knew a tiny bit more Japanese, I would be living it up in this city. Tennoji itself is amazing, and it's right out my door. But when I walk by concerts on the street, interesting smells coming from restaurants, or see cute little artists' shops, I have to keep walking because 1) I'm broke and 2) I don't even know how to ask how much things cost. Hint to those ever venturing overseas: learn the language from a native speaker, because CDs and books and English speaking teachers don't do it right. I thought I knew how to ask directions, but everyone looks at me like I'm crazy when I speak. Maybe the accent is wrong? Maybe it's too fast or too slow? Either way, I must not be saying it correctly.

I also am a bit down about some of the failed promises. I have no bike...I can borrow one from security if I'm feeling bold and if it's not after 5pm. There were a lot of costs I wasn't warned about - an $80 cell phone the school asked me to buy, health insurance costs (which I thought was free), etc. I also have no office computer, which is fine - I can bring my laptop. But I don't actually have a desk - it's a shared space. So I hang out in my apartment a lot, which they don't want me to do - they want me to spend time in the CALC lab so I can connect with the students (if I could just remember their names!).

Either way, I am feeling more and more settled everyday. I'm also getting more and more laid back every day (good or bad? I don't know...). If I get lost on the subway, oh well. If I am a few minutes late, it's okay. If I have no plans on Saturday or if I am sooo busy it hurts on Sunday, so be it. This could be because everyone here is so forgiving and gracious to foreigners. But it could also be because everyone here is in such a hurry that I already feel sluggish in comparison, so it's worsening naturally. This mean I will return to the states in a year either super fat, lazy, and apathetic or I will return 50 pounds lights, running everywhere with sore, tiny feet...

Anyway, I'm having a great time. I just wanted to record all the ups and downs honestly for anyone interested. I'm hoping as time goes by and I learn more Japanese, I won't feel completely zoned out in the city. Seriously...it's like walking through a movie on mute....with a really loud, distracting soundtrack...I know they are saying something. I know they are talking about things we talk about in our cities. I know they are eating and listening to music and buying clothes and getting on trains, but without understanding the language, I can't follow the plot. So I just listen to the loud music and keep walking. It's kind of fun sometimes, because I feel like I am a sociologist and this is my experiment. I can study everyone without them knowing it, because they can't understand me either. It's just that when I am tired from a long night class and just want to get home on the earliest train, I wish I knew how to ask which one it is.