24

I definitely don't have time to write. I leave for the airport in about 30 minutes, and I've had guests in and out all morning. I planned on writing a good, sappy entry to top off this experience. But when all is said and done, I think this blog has done its duty and deserves a vacation. With that said, know that I am anxious, sad, happy, and a little impatient. When I arrive back to Rochester, maybe I can write with a bit more clarity. It's funny how countdowns seem to get lost in craziness toward their end.

37 hours...

I will land in Rochester in exactly 37 hours (I hope). I'm taking a break from my fruitless packing to vent some of my mixed emotions.

When people ask me anxiously, "You're going home tomorrow?!" I can't help but smile, even when I give a somber (and honest) response. My brain may send a signal to my mouth to tell how scared I am to start fresh or how much I will miss so-and-so, but somewhere inside my mouth is getting a mixed signal and that smile contradicts my thoughts.

On the way home from a concert tonight, one stop from Tennoji it suddenly hit me that it was my final time on JR railways. I felt heavy and a bit stupid - like I had just wasted an entire day being social and happy and forgot to be sad. To make up for it, I took pictures of almost every beloved or hated landmark between the train and my door.

I emailed Kelly to get the lowdown on customs upon re-entry. I asked a million questions, nervous I will get in trouble for having too many chopsticks or pocky. She reassured me that it was quick and painless, and she reminded me that everything is in English. At first I was relieved, then I regretted that soon I won't be able to blame my ignorance on language barrier. I will still be overwhelmed by the customs form or the gate information, even if it's technically in my own language. It's been frustrating not knowing what's going on around me or what my students are gossiping about, but it's sometimes refreshing to be allowed to tune out - exempt from understanding. I will lose that luxarious curse tomorrow.

Of course, the best news of my day comes in the form of my friend Yoshi's innocently overwhelming Starbucks marketing. United Airways serves Starbucks on their flights, so I need not worry about a thing.

Turn up the car radio...

Today, I said a lot of goodbyes, finished packing just about everything, and ate too much. But instead of making you read a few minutes of sappy, boring stories, I will spare you by giving you a short video to watch instead. I think it sums up my day better than my own words.

Dear Kelly-chan,

You had a postcard waiting for me when I arrived in Japan last year, depressed and alone. So I figured it was my turn to have a greeting waiting for you as you return to NY, no doubt feeling like you are in a foreign country as well. I hope your flight was pleasant, your jet lag minimal, and your reverse culture-shock inspiring.
I am no good at expressing gratitude or sentimental feelings in person (we both hate Japanese goodbyes). So now - an ocean apart - I want to let you know how amazing it was to share this past year with you. Often, I found myself jealous of your position - you had a great friend network, better pay, and a much better view. Other times, I found myself feeling proud - I got to know my students (because I taught on a more regular basis), my job was easy and convenient, and I experienced city life.
In the end, I reached the not so difficult conclusion: How amazing is it that two girls from tiny RWC went to Japan at the exact same time for almost the exact same reason, yet experienced completely different facets of a surprisingly diverse country? How boring would it have been to both have been in Osaka or both to have been countryside JETs?...How one dimensional! Because we were mere acquaintances at first and we were at just enough of a distance apart, we didn't rely on each other for everything (and therefore stifle our individual, independent growth). Because we taught different ages, spent time with different friends, lived in different areas, traveled to different cities, and fell in love with different aspects of Japan, we were able to learn that much more through each other. Looking back, I am so grateful I didn't live on the beach or have JET friends, and I'm glad you lived in the boonies and taught cute little kids. I feel like I have had two experiences in Japan because of you.
Japan would have been great regardless, but I thank God I had you to encourage me and visit me and challenge me - it turned a great experience into an life-altering, unforgettably amazing experience. Your upbeat attitude, objectivity, humor, insight, and eagerness to learn drove me to try to maintain the same attitude. Thank you for coming to Japan, thanks for being there for me, and thanks for the kind of person you are. I can't wait to see you again and learn about your ever continuing adventures (they're not over yet!).

Love always,

Cassie

My last rice ball

Tonight was my last trip to Kamagasaki to make onigiri. The crew was thrilled to see me - despite our wonderful communication, they thought I had left last week. As such, they were especially sentimental tonight. They even gave me umeboshi, one of my least favorite foods in the world (pickled plum). Best of all, they made a cake because they know I like sweets. When we split up at the end of the night, I was showered with hugs, hand shakes, and ogenkides...When I took my usual extra onigiri to drop off on the way home to my usual homeless neighbor, he wasn't around. I just left it on his cart. It was an extremely depressing way to end that chapter in my life, but not entirely unsatisfying. He'll get his rice tonight - a big surprise after he left an empty cart to go look for food. And maybe he'll even remember who gave it to him, the same foreigner every Wednesday night. Then again, maybe he's already forgotten me - and I will try to be okay with that.

One week

Tonight I rounded out my Japanese theater experience with a horror Bunraku performance. That's right...cute, little puppets gone mad. For all those people who have nightmares about dummies and clowns...this is not the art form for you. I literally watched an innocent bystander have his face cut off. Cotton and wooden body parts were flying everywhere. You should never mess with a samurai's heart.

Nevertheless, it was amazing and impressive. Before the show, Ikeda sensei took me backstage to meet some of the performers (the men and the puppets). She goes about 20 times a year, so she has an unofficial backstage pass. They let me hold a beautiful puppet and attempt to make her face and hands move, but I failed miserably. I learned that most performers have to begin by 15 or they have little hope of ever becoming good in their lifetime. In fact, one of the musicians tonight was around 80 and had been training since he was 9. Now, with fashion and pop stardom on everyone's mind, Bunraku is gradually disappearing because no new performers are signing on.

Afterward, we ate oden (a very traditional Japanese food...basically any food you can think of boiled in a special broth) at the most famous oden shop in Osaka (Takoume). I felt so Japanese, in fact, that when I arrived home and saw the mess of suitcases, I was jolted back to reality and remembered I will be American again in only a week...

I missed 10

Somehow, life fast-forwarded to 9 days. I was watching my countdown so carefully, I don't know what happened...

Today, I said goodbye to my very first Japanese friends. I hosted (I mean that in the lightest sense of the word...I literally just opened my door, they did the shopping, cooking, and cleaning) an udon party for last year's graduates. Eight girls came...some I hadn't seen since graduation. They gave me a Mickey&Minnie picture frame for my wedding - they are adorned in traditional Japanese wedding attire. The girls even came up with creative kanji names for me and Brian to write on the frame. Then they all signed the dress. As if that's not sweet enough, Keiko started crying as they said goodnight. Of course, I waited until they left to cry. That took a while, since they stopped to take pictures of my soon-to-be-replaced mailbox label.

I can hardly believe that my relationship (at least face-to-face) with these friends is at an end. I can't believe a year has passed. I feel like I just got here on that horribly lonely day in September.

Unemployed

Not officially...but I taught my last class today. I felt numb afterward. Actually, I didn't have a lot of time to think in general, because I was dragged away to karaoke with some students. However, once I had a moment alone and thought about how I need to return all the text books to campus and clean out my desk...I realized I may never step into a classroom again. I don't know if I can live with that. Whether behind a desk or at the black board, classrooms feel like home to me. How can I be finished? I think that's a little voice telling me to get myself back in school and to pursue teaching.

Of course, a week of vacation may change my mind.

Sayounara party

Tonight was my Sayounara party, complete with a yukata and Japanese speech. I may have choked up a tiny bit, but it was mostly nervousness.

I got several albums of pictures and goodbye messages, three songs, my own quiz show, tons of presents (yukata, purses, earrings, etc), and a hilarious movie which features a skit mocking me. That's always appreciated.

Of course, I was on show the entire time, so I never got to take pictures or really socialize. Goodbye parties are definitely different here. The emphasis is on honoring the subject, not spending one last night together. Either way, I enjoyed it. But I am glad it's over. From here on out, I have no more official obligations and no more sad speeches.

Tomorrow are my final adult classes, then I have a week of packing, cleaning, and saying goodbye.

doyoubi/nichiyoubi

[more photos]

I climbed Mt. Fuji.

From the second I got on the plane to Japan, I had it in my head that I would climb it (I mean, Kelly did it...so I just had to!). However, plan after plan fell through, and it seemed like it would never happen. Yet, I stand here today and can proclaim that I am a Fuji veteran (well, I am actually sitting in a lot of pain).

My weekend began at 5am. I met Yoko (Maekawa sensei - but that takes a lot longer to type) in Namba for a quick McDonald's breakfast and then we caught our bus at 7:30. After a few pit stops, we arrived at the 5th station of Fuji (about 2000meters) at 5pm. After dinner and changing, we got to work.

The first few hours were ridiculously slow even though we were basically walking up gentle slopes. Because we went with a tour group, we had to walk between our two guides at their pace (very slow in order to prevent altitude sickness, with frequent oxygen breaks). My muscles were in no pain at all the entire night...and the slow pace gave me great opportunity to take pictures and chat with Yoko.

By station 7, we were beginning to feel the burn. I was constantly dizzy, freezing cold, and fighting impatience as thousands of people inched along to the top. I have to admit, though, that I appreciated the traffic jams. They gave me so much time to absorb it all, think, and breath. For the first time since I've been in Japan, I saw stars. I'd never been so happy to see the Big Dipper...it felt so familiar. The constellations below were just as amazing - a river of lights zig-zagging up the mountain. I've never felt so much peace while surrounded by so many bodies.

After a pit-stop at station 8, we scaled the last two stations at an even slower pace. I wasn't feeling so grateful and reflective at that point. I was half asleep, freezing, and regretting the trip altogether. But by 4am just as the sun began to peak out, we were finally at the top. I can say it was the best sunrise I've ever seen, but maybe that's because 1) I never get up early enough to see the sun rise and 2) I earned this one.

The hike down was the worst part. Not only did I basically just skid down gravel (or lava remains) and try not to fall for four hours, I also had to stop constantly to dump rocks out of my shoes and take off layers. Beyond the weather and pain in my knees, it was slightly disappointing to turn my back on the mountain so soon. I don't think I was ready to be finished.

Of course, by the time I was at the onsen, I had changed my mind.

kinyoubi

Mao, a pretty talented tako roller

Erika, Kyon, Mao, Me - we had the security gaurd take our picture in the middle of the night...if I weren't leaving in 2 weeks, I think I might get fired for this past weekend ;)

I've never seen such a cheerful holdup

oishii! deep fried mocchi, cheese, and eggplant (one of several assortments)

We ate next to Billiken, and we rubbed his feet afterward

Obviously, I'm a few days behind. But once you read the next few entries (or skim and look at pictures), you will see why.

On Friday, after more speech contest tutoring, I taught my two Abeno community adult English classes, beginners at 10:40, intermediate at 1 (keep in mind: those classifications are self-appointed and therefore completely off-base). These are probably my favorite classes to teach. Of course, I love my Kiritan students and teachers, but my Friday lessons give me a bigger sense of responsibility and influence. It's a lot of pressure, and I love that. I feel like my adult students come eager to learn. They are paying for this and veering from their normal daily routine, so they expect to be taught well. I love that attitude. In turn, it influences me to teach better, clearer, and more seriously.

After class, my beginners and I went to a nearby district to eat kushikatsu (deep fried vegetables and meat that you can dip into a community pot of sauce - no double dipping!). Though unbelievably fun and delicious, I was late for my own slumber party and extremely stuffed.

So when I finally did arrive home, my three guests agreed to hold off on our takoyaki party until later. In the meantime, we watched South Park (Kenny's mom's voice is ridiculously proper in Japanese), practiced English and Japanese, and went out for purikura. These girls were hilarious. As we talked about Japanese youth and culture, I started to realize how completely different they are from my guests last weekend or last semester's girls. Sometimes I think Japan is more diverse than America, despite the stereotypes. Their clothes and fashion are the same, but their personalities, goals, communication styles, and senses of humor are all over the charts. I guess the only difference is that, in Japan, it takes much longer to crack through the exterior fashion and manners into that unique personality.

We finally had our tako, then stayed up talking until about 2/3am. When I awoke at 5am to get ready for Fuji, I found three sleeping girls and a couple of encouragement/thank you notes hidden around the house.

mokuyoubi

three amazing characters: Kana, Hosana, Satomi

She's a big girl

drama queen

we got free sherbert - the waiter claimed it was "4 beautiful girls day"

Satomi insisted he accompany us to dinner

Typically, by the time Thursday rolls around I am exhausted and happy to have the morning free. That's how I remember moku:mocha:By Thursday, I need a lot of coffee. (I know it's a stretch, but it beats "I sue people on Wednesdays")

But this Thursday was different. I had a speech tutoring session at 11am, then was uninvited to ESS club over lunch break (so they could secretly plan for the sayounara party). But when I went to print off my Japanese sayounara speech (which I will definitely not be giving in Japanese as far as I am concerned), I ran into some students and we ended up spending the rest of my free time talking. It was the most fun I'd had in months. I really felt like we were connecting beyond hobbies and blood type. I even got away with sarcasm. Afterward, I had a few level-up classes and then prepared for my [final] Thursday night Bible study.

When the girls arrived, there was already some sadness lurking in the room (or it was just miserably humid). Afterward, I was given a million presents from Satomi, her random friends, and her mother (via Satomi...I have never met any of the other givers). Gifts included Rirakkuma (the cutest bear in the world...sorry, Pooh san), Kyoto perfume, and more. Then I treated the girls to okonomiyaki/yakisoba at a fantastically cheap and convenient shop around the corner. Again, I had a great time....I realized how seldom I actually laugh here. I almost snorted at least three times tonight. Emotions are pretty stiffled and catored when working around language barriers. But tonight it didn't matter.

Why are the girls waiting until I have to leave to start connecting with me? Or is it me who waited?

suiyoubi

Apparently, "su" is water - which explains the temperamental and spontaneous downpours today (and every other Wednesday, it seems).
Wednesday is by far one of my favorite -and, in turn, busiest- days of the week. I assist the 1nensei English conversation class at 9am and 2nensei class at 10:40am. Afterward, I spend lunchtime in the CALC lounge with whoever wants to eat with me...that's why it's called "Lunch with Cassie in the CALC." I have three tutoring sessions throughout the afternoon. Then I squeeze in dinner and some blog time. At 7pm, I head to Kamagasaki to make a few hundred rice balls. I always want to collapse at 10pm when I get home...but I have never crawled into bed on a Wednesday night feeling anything less than satisfied.

Since I love Wednesdays, you will get quite the slideshow this time around.