37 hours...

I will land in Rochester in exactly 37 hours (I hope). I'm taking a break from my fruitless packing to vent some of my mixed emotions.

When people ask me anxiously, "You're going home tomorrow?!" I can't help but smile, even when I give a somber (and honest) response. My brain may send a signal to my mouth to tell how scared I am to start fresh or how much I will miss so-and-so, but somewhere inside my mouth is getting a mixed signal and that smile contradicts my thoughts.

On the way home from a concert tonight, one stop from Tennoji it suddenly hit me that it was my final time on JR railways. I felt heavy and a bit stupid - like I had just wasted an entire day being social and happy and forgot to be sad. To make up for it, I took pictures of almost every beloved or hated landmark between the train and my door.

I emailed Kelly to get the lowdown on customs upon re-entry. I asked a million questions, nervous I will get in trouble for having too many chopsticks or pocky. She reassured me that it was quick and painless, and she reminded me that everything is in English. At first I was relieved, then I regretted that soon I won't be able to blame my ignorance on language barrier. I will still be overwhelmed by the customs form or the gate information, even if it's technically in my own language. It's been frustrating not knowing what's going on around me or what my students are gossiping about, but it's sometimes refreshing to be allowed to tune out - exempt from understanding. I will lose that luxarious curse tomorrow.

Of course, the best news of my day comes in the form of my friend Yoshi's innocently overwhelming Starbucks marketing. United Airways serves Starbucks on their flights, so I need not worry about a thing.