These are a few of my favorite things...

1. Extreme talent

2. Engrish

3. Privately owned shops

4. Unidentifiable, but delicious, foods

5. Eyes that smile bigger than mouths

This past week has been killer. I have been editing and recording English speeches day and night, visiting churches and homes, making a lot of new friends, watching a Kabuki performance, and trying new food. It feels like the first week all over again. I also had a few unexpected expenses and stresses from the other side of the ocean. I typed up a resume for my first job application. And I think I have a hangover from some candy I ate last night. (I didn't know they were full of real whiskey!)

To say the least, I am tired and stressed. I have wanted to collapse and cry and sleep all week. BUT...I think my mood has a lot more to do with leaving than busyness. As the work piles up, I am reminded how close my departure is (32 days to be exact). Then I get tense thinking about leaving all of this behind and starting fresh. As appealing as fresh starts are, change is always partially negative.

I don't want to leave behind my students. Sure, they wear ridiculous amounts of eye makeup and embarrassing Engrish clothing. But have you ever met an American student who didn't want to win a game of Scrabble? Who wanted to forget the point system and work as a team? And yes, in class they ALL answer "shopping" as their hobby and "he is handsome"/"she is beautiful" as the reason for their favorite celebrity. But do you have a class where the students bow and say thank you to their professor afterward?

I don't want to leave my apartment. It is ugly, tiny, outdated, and very UNsoundproof (as my elementary neighbors are constantly reminding me). But it is mine. I have my own space, my own tiny fridge, sink-bath, cherry blossom bed, and rice maker. Registering for wedding gifts has made me a little excited for my future place with Brian, but it is still hard to accept never being completely independent again.

I don't want to leave this country. Not because it is perfect. Not because all the beautiful, preserved images we see in America are accurate - because they aren't. My region is one of the worst when it comes to unemployment, poverty, homelessness, crime, and...westernization (which still isn't that bad compared to the rest of the world). But that is just more reason to want to stay. I could see myself serving here in so many roles - never getting bored because there are so many people to help and learn from. It's like the artificial shell is being cracked open and revealing the real, authentic, imperfect core - just as I have to turn away.

I don't love Japan any more than America. It's not that I don't miss homecooked meals, fast food, English, RWC, my friends, etc...but I know I will return to that in time. Who knows if I will ever return to Japan?